


To love is to destroy

by WoodsAlexandria



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clexa is Endgame, Dad Marcus Kane, Dork Lexa, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Girl Penis Lexa, I Don't Even Know, Lexa has a family, Own characters included, Protective Clarke, Protective Mom Abby, Spies, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:11:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9562634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WoodsAlexandria/pseuds/WoodsAlexandria
Summary: When Clarke travels to Polis, she hears about a new threat. To survive once again she has to alliance with the grounders, specifically Heda Lexa. While trying to eliminate the threat, emotions run high between Lexa and Clarke, Can Clarke put personal feelings aside and save her people once again? Or is this the end?(Sets after 2x16)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all this is my new fanfic, I sure hope you like it. The idea had been swimming in my head for a while and I finally decided to make a story out of it. I will try to upload at least once a week but I can't make promises because I have lots of schoolwork to do. 
> 
> (Shadowhunters, and the originals fans may recognize some quotes :))

The wind is harsh and almost blows out her campfire she worked so hard on to get started. Her hair blows in her face, and for a minute she sees nothing. With her hands, she tries to get her hair out of her face, but in progress, she smears mud all over her face. When she can see, again she sees that her campfire is out. She cusses under her breath and closes her eyes.

 

Four months away from civilization, four months after she committed genocide, four moths long she was haunted by her demons. Nightmares keep her awake at night. Faces of people whom’s name she doesn’t even know swimming behind her eyelids. Somewhere deep down she knew majority wasn’t innocent, and there was no other choice. They were going to drill the bone marrow out of her people even if they die for it. That’s probably why it is almost never the adults that haunt her in her dreams but the children, the confused look on their face combined with pure agony when suddenly their bodies started to burn.

 

Her eyes flutter open when the first raindrop hits the tip of her nose. Soon enough it was pouring, luckily Clarke found in her first few weeks away from Camp Jaha a cave. She made camp for the cave at first light then Clarke would go hunting until late noon and come back to skin the animal she captured that day after she ate she would sit at her campfire and then try to sleep in the cave for a bit. Just like that she has spent 4 months doing the same routine every day. It grounded her somehow, to know what the day would bring. But lately the days are getting a lot colder, and it rains a lot more often. She knows it means winter is approaching. She can see it in the forest too, trees losing their leaves, frosted grass.

 

Now she is shivering in the cold with no campfire and mud all over her face. She rolls herself up in a ball and lays down as deep as she dares in the cave. When sometimes she doesn’t have a nightmare about the mountain, she dreams of a beautiful mansion full of handmade furniture, a big living room and an even larger kitchen where she makes breakfast for her two children. They would go to school in a peaceful world, and at night she would crawl into bed next to her lover’s warm body. She knows she can’t have that who would possibly love a monster like herself, could someone ever understand why she has so much blood on her hands, could they truly understand the choices she had to make? There is only one person she can think of, one person who could love her because they are a monster themselves, with as much blood as she on her hands perhaps even more. But that one person broke her trust when she needed them the most. Commander Leksa Kom Trikru. And the worst part is that Clarke believed that Lexa could be the one she would go home to every night. The second mother of her children, her lover. But she can’t forgive Lexa for what she did, not yet.

 

When she wakes up again, the sun wasn't yet risen, and she looks around what woke her. Right before her is a symbol drawn in the sand. It seems like an infinity symbol. She used to see them in books on the ark. But she is sure that she didn’t draw it. Outside is no one and her camp looks just like she had left it except, a whole bunch of leaves on a pile like it is covering something. Slowly she makes her way to it and brushes the leaves away. Under it is a chest and inside are new clothes, a sack of meat, a sword, a bow and arrows with a fitting quiver. She looks around there was no one else there, and there was no letter or note in the chest. Carefully she pulls out the bow and arrows before she used a stone knife but this is way more practical. Gently she laid it next to her on the ground and pulled out the sword. The handle is made of several marks that don't make any sense to her. Next were the clothes. There was a thick animal fur coat, three of what looked like sweaters, and two fitting jeans which were probably designed for the winter seeing the several layers of animal fur sewed onto them. She puts the clothes and sword back and carefully closes the chest.

 

She spends the rest of the morning carving a target in a nearby tree to practice shooting with a bow and arrow. She carefully places the arrow on the string and pulls back. She aims for the target and releases. The shaft hit the tree, but that tree is 30 feet to the right of the one with the target, she tries again this time the arrow doesn’t even hit a tree, again but this one goes straight in the ground too. After 20 tries or so she finally manages to hit the target, she does a little celebration dance before she tries again, this time again she hits the target further away than first but still in the target. Again and again, she tries to perfect her shooting with the bow, she knows for grounders this is easily done, but Clarke finds it harder than she thought. When she is finally satisfied with her work, she stuffs the bow and arrow back in the chest and drags the chest into her cave right next to her self-made bed which is just a blanket from animal fur.

 

It isn’t like she is going to spend the rest of her life hiding away from everyone in a cave, really she wants to go back to Camp Jaha, help maintain the peace and be with her friends. But every time she gets to the part of seeing her friends again she stops. She does want to see them in a way, wants to make sure they are okay, have fun with them and laugh, but on the other hand, she is afraid that as soon as she sees them the ghosts of mount weather will break her. Eventually, she has to go back and in a way she is ready to face it all, but she is scared. Afraid of the what if’s, the what if they think I’m a monster and don’t want me there, what if my friends hate me for what I did, What if it wasn’t worth it?

 

Morning comes soon and with even less energy then yesterday she starts the day. When she comes out of her cave, the ground under her feet is completely frozen and creaks when she walks on it. The sun reflecting in the ice of a lake nearby, several little animals are sliding over the ice, and suddenly she feels a gigantic wave of tranquility washing over her. She sits down on the frozen ground, but the cold does not register In her brain. She quietly watches the animals glide around the ice trying to gather food. She watches how a squirrel desperately attempts to receive a nut which is frozen to the ground. A rabbit whom’s hole is blocked by a bunch of sticks which fell from the trees, the frozen moss on a tree where a bird is trying to keep his children alive. These animals face their problems and try to fix it while she is hiding from them in a cave. She stands up and breaths in trough her nose, the cold air stinging in her nostrils. She is going back to Camp Jaha, today.

 

She opens the chest and retrieves a piece of meat from the sack and leaves the rest of meat for the animals behind, she then quickly changes her clothes next to her campfire and burns the old ones, the other new clothes she puts in the now empty sack. The bow and quiver she hangs on her back, and after a little bit of struggle she managed to put the sword in its scabbard and hangs that on her back too. She holsters her gun and breathes in again, the familiar feeling of the icy air greets her. With one last look around she turns away and walks towards Camp Jaha.

 

She walks and walks in what she thinks is the right direction, but after a while, she isn’t so sure, her legs are starting to hurt, and the constant creaking of the frozen ground beneath her boots are starting to get on her nerves. She takes a few left turns a few right, she walks with no aim, but her surroundings remain frozen trees, and she still has no idea where Camp Jaha is. She stands still for a minute with her hands on her knees. Her condition was not what it once was.

 

All of the sudden she hears the creaking of someone walking on frozen leaves and sticks again, no actually she hears two pairs of footsteps, swiftly she looks around to spot the persons who belong to the footsteps but sees no one. She listens intensively and hears soft talking.

 

“You believe the queen is right about this?” There is a short pause “You doubt the queen?” “I think we could better join the coalition then join with this natrona If they want Wanheda and the rest of skaikru they can go fight them themselves” they stop walking, “You think Klark Kom Skaikru is the wanheda?” “Sha, She brought down the mountain something the queen should never do” he pauses “I doubt her reign” “You should not doubt the queen” She hears a loud thud and only one set of footsteps continues.

 

Wanheda, she knows enough trigedasleng to know what it means, Commander of death. Her breath stings in her lungs, and her heart beats faster. When her father used to ask her what she wanted to become she said mermaid and later she wanted to be a doctor. But never did she want to become the commander of death. A tear escapes her eye and rolls sadly down her cheek she does nothing to wipe it away. Soon enough she is bailing, but she does not wipe the tears away, she lets them stay there on her cheeks clear for anyone to see that this is not what she wants. After a while, she squares her shoulders and resolutely decides to change plans and walk to Polis, the grounder capital, instead. She tries to follow the man she heard before quietly, but it is harder than she thought with all the frozen leaves and sticks. Carefully she follows him for two days until she can finally see a big tower, it stands out above the trees with a big flickering flame on top. She pulls the hood of her coat over her head and resultantly walks up to the tower where she believes the commander of the 12 clans resides.

 

How closer she comes to the tower the more, she notices how big the tower is. The architect in her was amazed at how long this tower has been standing upright, thousands of little windows decorate the tower, the moss on the base of the tower is frozen and gives off a cold, hard feeling. There are two guards at the door of the tower, and she expects there are at least 50 guards on the first few levels. She walks up to them and rights her spine.

 

“I’m here to see Heda” She stares into the darkness which is the man’s eyes. Suddenly something seems to connect in his mind, he bows and quickly gestures for her to follow him while another guard takes his place. They walk over to something which looks like a sort of elevator and gets in, the man shouts something to people beneath them, and with a shock, they come loose from the ground, and they are rising. While they are rising Clarke catches glimpses of the other levels of the tower. She sees a group of kids with an old man, a maid with a set of folded clothes, and a few soldiers. After a few minutes they reach the top level, she follows the guard trough a maze of halls and doors until they reach two big wooden doors which are guarded by six guards, three on each side. One of them silently opens the doors and seems to announce something to the people inside then he steps aside, and Clarke gets a good view of the inside of the room.

 

The first thing she noticed is the big throne in the center of the room with additional little wooden chairs. To the side is a young man with long brown hair and sparkly deep green eyes talking to Indra. Indra is looking as stoic as ever, not even acknowledging her presence. The young man, however, looks at her with a little bit of amusement and something else what she can’t seem to place.

A bit further is a long blonde haired girl with a maid outfit talking to Lexa. Lexa, something ignites in her, and if she is honest, she knows it isn't hatred. Lexa wears her traditional commander outfit with shoulder guard, and everything. Her long brown hair is braided back with a few loose strains of hair hanging over her shoulders. The green of her eyes stands out against the black warpaint. The moment their eyes meet she almost swears she sees her feelings reflected in Lexa’s eyes only for a second and then it’s gone, and Clarke isn’t sure if it was there.

 

Awkwardly she cleared her throat and shuffled with her feet, “Leave us” Lexa’s voice was exactly like she remembers it, clear, commanding but an edge with love and compassion. The guards were the first to leave the room, and she could hear their armor blather while they walked. They were followed by Indra who shot Lexa a look before she left, the last to go was the young man but before he left he whispered something in Lexa’s ear which caused a blush to creep her cheeks. Her eyebrow raised at this, who is this man that he can make Lexa blush and who would whisper in her ear. She could feel a slight sting of jealousy for the man to act with Lexa so casually.

 

“Clarke” Lexa’s voice changed from commanding to little and vulnerable, Lexa takes a step forwards. The closer she gets the more heat radiated from Clarke’s skin. Again Clarke clears her throat to get her thoughts straight, but Lexa’s presence is making it hard for her to think. “Um, I came, I heard” she stuttered “People call me Wanheda” Something changed in Lexa’s eyes, something darker unlocked. “It means commander of death, why are they calling me that?” She asked staring straight back into Lexa’s eyes. “Because you slew the mountain, you did something no commander could do for decades.” Clarke turns her back to Lexa “Yeah well I bear the burdens” she muttered under her breath, but seemingly Lexa heard it anyway, not that she said anything, the fact that she didn’t say anything spoke louder. After a while, Lexa said “Clarke, there is a threat” She faces Lexa “Threat?” She almost says it laughingly “Care to explain?” Lexa walks to the throne her large red stash sweeping behind her, in the most elegant way, of course, she is elegant too Lexa sits down on the throne and watches her with a pressing look.

 

“Someone is planning a war” Her face falls, and her heart stops beating for a second, after everything she did, before she can say anything Lexa continues “And we can’t win.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

“And we can’t win” the words echo in her head. “What the fuck do you mean we can’t win,” she says anger dripping in her voice “And who the hell is planning this war you speak of” she feels her self-control slipping from her reach, and her face reddens with anger. She paces up and down the room like she did in the war tent all those months ago. “We don’t know yet” Lexa sounds from behind her. “You don’t know who is trying to kill us but you already know we can’t win?” she says semi-sarcastically. Clarke can hear the sharp intake of Lexa’s breathe behind her alarming her she should watch her words, but honestly, Clarke could care less right now. She killed more than 300 human-beings for the wellbeing of her people and now four months later someone is killing all of them anyway.

“Clarke” the soft sound of her name fuels her anger, and she turns abruptly but immediately stumbles a few steps back. While lost in thoughts Lexa had come down from the throne and is now standing few feet before her. Lexa's beauty astounds her every time, and it's even worse up close. "Pacing isn't going to help us win this war." Compassion reflects in Lexa's eyes, Clarke isn't sure if Lexa is so comfortable with her that she shows her emotions or that Clarke just can see right through her. "Well, what is?" she snarls back at her. The anger she saved up the last four months is quickly forming into words ready to spill. "Join me, become the thirteenth clan and accede to the coalition." A weird sound escapes her mouth, a sort combination between a laugh and cry, "Join YOU? You left me there Lexa. I TRUSTED you, and you left me there to DIE. My mother almost DIED because you LEFT me" She knows that's not entirely the truth because her mother almost died because she killed Cage's father. "I did what was right for my people." "Sure you did." Her hands' tingle and all she wants to do is punch Lexa in the face. "I want to stay here and hear everything about this threat." She says although it wasn't much a question. Lexa nods solemnly "The guards will show you your room." The same guard that led her to the throne room walks into the room and bows to Lexa. "Heda." He says in a low, respectful voice. Lexa nods shortly to the guard "Show Klark Kom Skaikru to her room." The man rises and beckons her over, just before they walk out of the room she turns around. "Lexa, this doesn't mean I forgive you" she pauses shortly "not even close." before Clarke closes the door she could see the wave of hurt flash over Lexa's face.

The guard that showed her to her room didn't speak the whole way. She tried various approaches like "How long do you work for the commander?" or "Do you live in the tower or down in the city?" she even tried "Hi, how are you?" but the man didn't say a word. After a few minutes, she gave up in trying to talk to the guard. Instead, she focused on what she saw. She noticed that there were a lot more guards in the tower than she initially thought, not only were there a lot of guards there were also lots of ordinary people living in the tower. She saw an older woman eating in something like a dining room. There was a young boy playing hide and seek with a girl. And she swears she heard a couple having sex.

She guesses they walked for 7 minutes when they finally arrived at a big room. "I guard outside when you leave I follow, I am your guard personal." Although his English was a little rocky, she was glad that her companion could speak. "Thank you..?" For a moment he just stood there with a questioning look on his face, "Oh, Nabu, My name Nabu." She smiles at him "Thank you Nabu." Carefully she pushes the wooden doors open.

She was expecting a little room with a small bed and maybe a few drawers where she can dump her stuff. Instead, she was greeted by an enormous room. She takes a few steps inside and closes the door behind her. The first thing to grab her attention is the queen sized bed most on the right. There are several furs sprawled across it and an object which probably serves as a pillow. On the opposite side of the bedroom is a desk with paper and coal on it, and there is a closet. When she opens the closet, there are several pieces of clothing for all kind of occasions. In the center of the room is a couch with a small coffee table. When she turns around the corner near the bed, she sees to her surprise a bathroom, with a toilet and even a bath.

Clarke quickly changes into something more comfortable and fresh and heads out the door. “Can you bring me to Le-Heda?” She asks Nabu, he merely nods. Instead of going back to the throne room they go down with the ’elevator.' Behind the tower is a huge training ground, where a large group of children is training. At first, she is confused why Nabu took her here but then she sees Lexa in the middle of the group, teaching them? Is Lexa a teacher?

“Pair up and practice the exercise I just showed” Lexa walks up to them. “Clarke, Nabu” Where Nabu bows deep for his heda, Clarke just nods. “When are the meetings?” She asks “I want to be there” “Nabu will bring you to the meetings” Clarke eyes her “That’s not an answer to my question, I asked when they are not how to get there,” she says irritated. “Nabu will know” Nabu nods beside her “Sha.”

Suddenly there is a cry from behind Lexa. All three of them speed to the group of children to see what is wrong. “Aden, what happened” Lexa barks at a blonde guy who towers above a fallen girl who Clarke guesses is not much above the age of four. “I don’t know Heda, she was training when she just fell” Behind Aden’s back is a little girl hiding who shyly shuffles forward “Heda,” she says timidly. Lexa looks up, and her eyes immediately soften when she sees who spoke to her. “What is it, Leila?” Leila stares at her feet “Zanne was my partner but” slowly she looks to Lexa “I wasn’t paying attention, and I accidentally hit her, and that’s why she fell” She says in one breath. “Can I look?” she asks the fallen girl softly. The girl, with tears in her eyes, nods softly. She squats before the girl and softly grabs her leg which has a big cut in it.

She pushes with her fingers on the red skin to see the little girls reflexes and pain. She rips apart of her shirt and ties it around the cut. “It will heal on its own,” She coos to the little girl. When she stands up again, she can see Lexa openly gazing at her. “I’ll see you at the meetings Heda” She deliberately choose Lexa’s formal title, Clarke is not stupid she knows Lexa was staring at her boobs, and she hates herself for the fact that she doesn’t mind Lexa staring at her chest. “Nabu, can you lead me back to my room?” She asks.

Just when she closes the door behind her, she hears a sharp knock. “Yes, Na...Oh hello?” Instead of Nabu, there is a tall bald man with a rope before her door. Rather then asking if he could come in he pushes himself trough the door, walks a bit further in the room and then twirls around. “Titus,” He says in a deep, strict voice. “I’m Clarke,” She says insecurely, in her head she has gone over almost all scenarios why he is here. “I know” he grumbles. “Um why are you here then?” she carefully tries. He eyes her with amusement and hate although she doesn’t have any idea where either comes from. “Because of Lexa” her eyebrows shoot up, and her heartbeat picks up rate. “Is something wrong with Lexa” She immediately scolds herself internally for sounding so worried. “No, Lexa is strong,” he says accusingly. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, but nothing comes out. He takes a few steps forward “Love is weakness, stay away from her.” Love? Does Lexa love her? Does she love Lexa? Does it even matter? She may be mad at Lexa, but she is furious with this man. “Love is strength if you have no one to love and no one loves what do you have to lose?” Titus just looked at her like she set fire to water. He takes another step forward “She killed her parents as part of her ascension, if you stay around that will be for nothing, Stay away from Lexa.” She stopped listening after ‘she killed her parents,' Clarke is having a hard time living without her father and just imagining her killing hem is unbearable. He again takes a step forward, they now nose to nose, from the corner of her eye she can see him fisting his hand. Before she can say anything the door swings open and Lexa walks in, she doesn’t say anything but stands right beside him. Slowly Titus unclenches his hands and walks out the door without a word.

“Clarke, I am so sorry about that, I- I will leave now,” Lexa says weakly. “Lexa, did you kill your parents?” She can’t think of a way to bring it more sympathetic. Lexa swallows audible, “Yes” Before she knows it it’s too late “Can you tell me about it?” Lexa seemingly just as surprised as she nods softly. Clarke gestures over to the couch. They both sit awkwardly down next to each other, both making sure they don’t touch.

“Um well,” Lexa hesitantly started “I lived in VelBR, but at my sixth birthday, guards of Heda brought me to Polis.” She folds her hands nervously in her front of her, “They trained me there for my ascension, that is when Heda dies and all the nightbloods fight to become the next Heda.” Lexa explained nervously, "I won the ascension, and um to eliminate any weaknesses a heda is to have no family" Lexa's voice cracked a few times, and she awkwardly cleared her throat. "I made some preparations in case I would win the ascension. I had sent Anya to warn my parents and told them to run, but my parents weren't home that day" A tear streaks wordlessly down Lexa's cheek. "My siblings were able to run, but when my parents came home, they were captured and to finish I had to k-kill the-em." Lexa stutters, halfway the story Clarke started crying. She could imagine a young Lexa in full armor having to kill her parents. "What about your siblings?" Clarke squeaks out. A big smile appears on Lexa's face, "They're alive after I killed my parents I became Heda, and my first order was to stop looking for my siblings and that the next Heda doesn't have to kill their family." The happiness that comes off of Lexa makes her happy too. "So where are they?" Clarke asks. "They live in a house downtown, but you saw my brother already, Tomac? He was the guy in the throne room with the long brown hair." Clarke thinks about the man, his long brown hair does resemble with Lexa's, and their green eyes are almost the same.

"Yeah, what did he whisper to you before he left?" Clarke asks curiously. Lexa's cheeks flush "Nothing" she almost whispers. Which makes Clarke even more curious but she doesn't push. They sit in silence for a while before Lexa stands up "I think I should get going" Lexa murmurs and walks towards the door. "Goodnight Clarke" And she is gone, a few seconds after Lexa left, Clarke blows out the last candles and crawls into bed. She stares at the ceiling, she wants to be mad at Lexa, God she wants to hate Lexa, but she doesn't. Ironically she knows she would do the same and that's why Clarke can't hate Lexa for what she did because no matter how much it hurts, she would have done the same. So that's why she quietly whispers in the dark "Goodnight Leksa."


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning she wakes early, the sun hasn’t even risen yet. In the dark, she tries to light some candles but almost burns her hand off in the process. She curses loudly at the match while she attempts to reposition the lucifer, so it lights the candle instead of her hand. After several tries, there is finally enough candlelight so she can see in the room.

Clarke shuffles around in the closet for fresh underwear, to her horror she sees the grounders haven’t invented bra’s yet, and instead the females use a simple strap of cloth to bind their breasts together. From the moment she saw the straps she knew it would be a tight fit.

She grabs a strap and basic panties and carries it to the bathroom where she splashes some water (she hopes it’s fresh and not some used seawater) in her face and changes in her new undergarments. As expected the strap doesn’t fit at all and she ends up with a much bigger cleavage than she is comfortable with. She quickly walks over to to the closet and searches for a shirt which wouldn’t show too much, but even then you could see pretty much cleavage. She sighs and walks out the door.

Outside stands Nabu, she isn’t sure if he even slept or just stood there while she slept. The latter is a bit creepy, but she shrugs it off and greets him “Morning Nabu” she says more cheerful than she is feeling. He just nods his head, the lack of communication from grounders is still a new concept for her. Lost in thought Nabu nudges her in the ribs, she jumps and lets out a quiet yelp which seems to startle Nabu who thinks he hurt her.

“My apologies Wanheda,” He inclines his head “I wanted to say we could morning food get,” He says with a confused look on his face while he tries to form English words.

“Morning food” she claps her hands “Breakfast” she rubs her belly “Let’s go” Nabu smiles and leads the way

They end up in a big room with several tables which kind of gave her a high school canteen vibe. She isn’t sure if she likes it yet. On the outside are small tables for three persons on each side of the table but more in the middle, there are bigger tables for at least six persons each side. In the center of the canteen, there is a big table with on the head a high throne, different from the one in the throne room but nonetheless impressive. Nabu leads her straight to the biggest table

“Can’t we take a small table?” she quietly asks him. She regards the people eating who look at her curiously. When they arrive at the big table, Nabu leaves to talk to a cook who oversees the room from the door by what Clarke presumes is the kitchen. Like a bag salt, she stands there next to the table. Not much later Nabu returns, and he points at the stool directly beside the throne, Clarke sighs, of course, Lexa would give her a seat next to her. She sits down a bit uncomfortable and shifts a little in her stool. She doesn’t sit 10 seconds, and two cooks with big steaming plates of food present her her breakfast.

She looks down at the plates, she recognizes something like bread and a sort soup, but the other stuff is all new to her. Next, to the plate lays a fork she picks it up and takes the first bite, immediately a moan escapes her mouth, with flushed cheeks she takes another bite and another, in minutes she finished the two plates while Nabu is still nibbling on a piece of bread. When he sees she is done eating he stuffs the remaining bread in his mouth and stands up quickly, with his mouth still full he beckons her over, and they walk to her room, but instead of stopping there Nabu walks to the end of the hallway where they stop before two massive doors. He nods towards the door, swallows the remaining bread and says

“Heda there” It took a second for Clarke to realize what he was talking about. She was standing before Lexa’s room.

She looks questioning at Nabu “Why did you take me here?” Nabu, who thinks it’s a great honor to be asked to Heda’s room looks confused but answers anyway

“When Heda checked last night I bring you after morning food to her room she said” A foreign feeling washes over her,

“Lexa checked up on me?” She asks timidly, “Heda” He stresses, clearly uncomfortable using anything other than Lexa’s official title “Come to see if you slept good” Come to think of it, she slept great, no nightmares at all. “Oh” is all she said a bit upset that she just realized this. Nabu knocks hard on the doors with his big hands which are full of little cuts. “Sha” sounds Lexa’s voice from the other side of the doors. She looks at Nabu, swallows hard and then pushes one of the doors open.

Lexa is standing with her back to the door, to her surprise, Clarke realizes that Lexa just woke up. Her hair is loose and knotted flowing across her back, and a few strands are standing upright. Instead of the heavy commander armor Lexa is wearing, short shorts made of loose material and a white tank top. Clarke isn’t sure why but an uncomfortable feeling begins to form between her legs.

“Um, Hi” She lets out hoarse, Lexa turns around, and Clarke can see her face now. Lexa’s eyes are red with big circles beneath signaling that Lexa hasn’t slept well last night or possibly several nights.

“Hello Clarke” She awkwardly changes her stance. “You asked me to come?” She asks stoically, but in her mind, this sentence is being applied to a very different situation which would also explain Lexa’s lack of sleep, a soft throb begins to form between her legs, and she has to shake her head to bring herself back to reality. Lexa looks puzzled at her but doesn’t say anything about it. “That is right; the meeting will begin in an hour or so, Nabu will keep a check on the time and lead you there” Clarke nods. She waits for several heartbeats expectedly, but when Lexa doesn’t say anything, she says ‘Is that all?” with a bit of an unbelieving tone.

Lexa looks a bit confused "Yes?" she says. Lexa turns around and messes with some papers which lay before her on the table. From her position, Clarke could see very messy handwriting all over the papers with plans of Arkadia. In one swift motion, she reaches beside Lexa and grabs the paper.

"What is this?" She almost screams. "Paper." Lexa says without looking to her, "You will know in the meeting" she continues.

"Why can't you tell me now?" her mother always told her she was stubborn and now Clarke knows where she comes from. "Meeting Clarke" Lexa answers. Irritated Clarke stamps out the room and practically runs to her chamber with Nabu trailing behind her.

In her room, Clarke lays around the bed a bit, and soon enough Nabu knocks on the door and announces that it's time for the meeting.  
Together they walk to the throne room. Nabu opens the doors and walks to a chair right next to the throne. There are already a few seats taken, Clarke recognizes Fal, the ambassador from Trishana kru who is sitting right across from her, against his seat stands a big double headed axe. Next, to Fal sits Ruye from the Yujleda, he is a large man with big shoulders and huge biceps. While she observes all the other ambassadors she doesn't know yet, Clarke doesn't notice someone sitting in the chair next to hers.

"if it isn't wanheda." A deep throaty male voice sounds beside her. She jumps up from her thoughts and snaps her head to the side. Next, to her sits Lexa's brother, Tomac.

"Call me Clarke please." She extends her arm, "Nice to meet you, Tomac."

A flash of surprise passes his face, and before he can even say something she speaks up.

"I talked to Lexa." He made a twisted laughing sound.

"What?" She tries to wrap her head around it; I can call her Lexa in front of her brother right? He shakes his head.

"I'm just surprised, I thought you hated my sister."

Relief flooded over her "I tried to trust me." Tomac's laugh rippled trough the throne room and all the representatives look at them curiously, but Tomac doesn't seem to care. Before she can say something the room becomes silent and Lexa strides into the chamber in whole commander armor, the iconic red stash sweeping behind her.

Lexa makes an elegant turn before the throne, and before Clarke can comprehend what is happening there is a chorus of "Hail Heda" From the corner of her eye she can see Tomac smirking at her.

"Hail ambassadors of the twelve clans" Lexa sits down and crosses her legs, "Speak." Fal slowly stood up, "Heda, We have news of our scouts that the girl is from Skaikru."

Where at first the room was filled with soft murmurs and quiet whispers now there was just overwhelming silence, and Clarke couldn't help but feel that everyone in the room could hear her heartbeat.

Of course, after Lexa's betrayal, Skaikru lost faith in the grounders, but Clarke didn't believe that her mother, Kane, Bellamy hell even Jasper let them start a war. It just didn't add up.

"Are you sure?" She tried to keep her voice from breaking but isn't sure if she quite accomplished it. "You don't think our scouts are trustworthy Skygirl?" Fal sneers to her, "What keeps us from destroying you right now?" His knees crack when he suddenly rises and reaches for his axe beside him. Fear races trough her veins as she watches Fal making his way over to her. In despair she looks at Lexa, almost pleading for her to stop this but Lexa sits as stoic as ever in her massive throne. They lock eyes for a moment, and although she might be wrong Clarke could swear she say a tingling of fear beneath all that self-confidence.

Clarke looks back at Fal who is a few big steps away, he raises his axe above his head and brings it down with such speed she could hear the air crack. When it's about to come down right on her head, she is suddenly pulled back with enormous force. She looks behind her and with a triumphantly smirk Nabu watches how Fal's axe gets stuck in the ground. Next thing she knows Nabu's hard, metallic kind of boots hit Fal square in the chest, and he falls over gasping for air.

This is when Lexa stands up, "Klark Kom Skaikru, is not to be harmed" Lexa's eyes seem to scan the crowd beating the littlest thoughts of hurting her out of them with just a look, "Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op."

Fal crawls slowly back to his seat leaving his axe sticking in the ground before her chair. The other ambassadors carefully sit down, except Tomac who remained seated at first, is now standing up. "Heda, I understand and accept your order, but what do we do about the threat?" If it weren't for their similar looks Clarke wouldn't be able to tell that they were related.

"I want more spies there and get me an identification; I want to know with who we are dealing here." A chorus of 'Sha Heda's" sounds and without another word ambassadors stand up and leave the room and Clarke takes that as the sign that the meeting is over.

Clarke is one of the last to leave trying to progress everything. She feels a soft wave of air beside her, "I wanted to decapitate Fal the moment he sneered at you" Lexa quietly says to her. "But I couldn't look weak; I knew Nabu would protect you" Clarke sighs "Well, it isn't the first time you almost got me killed is it?"

"Clarke.." But she didn't have it, of course, she understood, hell she didn't even need that explanation, but there were too many thoughts in her head. Without looking back Clarke storms out the throne room, she follows her gut to where she thinks her room is. When she comes to an intersection, she chooses right over left, but a strong hand suddenly pushes her to the left. Nabu had followed her quietly as always.

She leans into his touch, "Thanks for saving my ass back there" she quietly whispers to him. "I not only save your butt but your whole body," Nabu says utterly confused. And Clarke laughed, actually laughed for the first time since she was with Finn in the bunker, The sound echoes between the empty halls. Several guards who were posted nearby look up.

"Yeah, you did Nabu you did." She looks up to him, and the kindness reflected in those brown eyes warm her heart, she squeezes his hand, and they turn left.

"You wanna come in?" She asks Nabu, he eyes her a bit wary "You are afraid someone is in room?" He asks reaching for his sword which is strapped to his side. She laughs again, twice in one day, something she couldn't do for months. "No, just to keep me company. You don't want me to get lonely do you" She hesitates "I don't think Heda wants me to feel alone" She immediately feels guilty to convince him this way, but she doesn't want to feel cold in her chest again.

Nabu eagerly nods, "I will come inside." She smiles at him when she opens the door for them.

 

* * *

 

 

Tomac watches as Nabu enters after Clarke and close the door behind them. He heard the way Clarke laughed, saw the way she just smiled, and he was the lucky guy to bring this news to the almighty heda who cares so deeply for this girl. Tomac sighs deep and reluctantly walks further down the hall to his sister's room.

His heart feels heavy for his sister, and he wants to say nothing because he knows the way, Lexa is. He pushes the doors open and slams them close behind them. With a little sprint, he jumps right beside his sister who is laying sprawled out on the bed reading a book.

"And how is she?" Lexa says without looking up from her book. "She is fine, she is with Nabu now," he murmurs. At first, his sister doesn't understand "Of course she is with Nabu now. I ordered him to not leave her out of his sight."

"Lexa, I mean Nabu is WITH Clarke right now, he is in her room." This catches her attention. With speed, he only once saw when she was in a battle the book flies against the wall, and he is pinned beneath his sister on the bed.

"Where is Nabu?" Lexa isn't screaming; her voice is rather calm and soft which makes it ten times worse. "He is with Clarke," before he could finish his sentence Lexa jumps off the bed and starts pacing. "Lex, wait, Lex, LEXA," finally she looks at him, with a look of pure despair written all over her face. "They are not together together, I mean like, I think they are friends nothing more."

  
"You think?"  
"I know" Tomac quickly says "I know Nabu and Clarke are just friends" Tears are forming in Lexa's eyes, but they do not fall, Lexa doesn't let them fall. He quickly gets off the bed and closes his arms around his youngest sister. He softly susses her, which Lexa hates but this time she lets him. "I-I just feel so lonely, and I-I thought Be-Because she is also a leader that may-maybe we could." Lexa stops and scrunches her eyebrows "But the du-duty to protect my people comes first and-d now what we had is broken." She squirms the last part out.

"Lex" His tears in contrary to his sister's do fall, they streak silently down his cheeks. His hearts breaks into a million pieces when he hears her soft sniffle. So many times he dreams of how it should have been, Lexa with their parents, Niamh, Sindri and him at home. Instead of their parents dead, Niamh is away working, Sindri in the trikru army fighting and him and Lexa in Polis doing politics.

Lexa pushes at his chest and aggressively wipes away his tears, "Grow up." she says while sniffling. He offers her a soft smile, and the corners of Lexa's lips weakly turn up. "Says you, young one." Lexa walks over to her book, which is laying defeated next to the wall. "Stop calling me that." Lexa murmurs under her breath.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a sorta filling chapter, I hope you still enjoy it tho.
> 
> xx

Chapter 4 -

The stars were bright, eliminating the dark just so much that Clarke didn’t see it’s terror but it’s beauty. As a kid, she used to be afraid of the dark. She was scared what may be lurking under her bed, every child's nightmare. Her father would come in and tell her happy stories, about fairies, her favorite, he would tell her about a fairy named Jess who would go by every kid at night to make sure the monsters stay away because all the monsters are scared of Jess because she is so optimistic and the monsters are pessimists. Whenever Clarke was pessimistic her father would remind her of Jess, and she better be optimistic, or the monsters would come and get her.

Since she came down to earth, she didn’t have much time to look at the sky, mostly busy trying to keep her people safe, or a storm would cause her to find shelter inside. But now laying under the stars she can finally see it’s beauty, see what the books on the ark actually meant by the beauty of the night.

Next, to her, she hears a low growl, and she looks up. She sees Lexa lightly snoring on the grass. She isn’t wearing her commander armor but rather a short-sleeved low-cut black shirt and matching skinny black pants, her hair is loose and peeks out here and there. Lexa is laying on her back with one arm across her belly while the other hand is clamping hers like a lifeline. Again a soft snore escapes Lexa’s mouth, and this time she rolls around a bit.

Carefully Clarke repositions herself and watches as slowly Lexa wakes from her beauty nap - and god was she beautiful in the starlight- and stretches out like a cat. “Hm good morning” Lexa mumbles softly, her voice still hoarse from the sleep and her eyes barely open. Lexa’s back cracks when she sits up, and then she purposefully cracks her shoulder blades then her knees and finally her fingers.  
“Do you always need to do that?” Lexa looks up confused “And why wouldn’t I?” Clarke also sits up, “because the sound is horrible?” Lexa just hums, apparently not caring about the noise at all.

“Did you sleep well?” Clarke asks softly. Out of nowhere, Lexa seems to grab a bottle of wine and some glasses “Well enough, care for a drink?” She nods her head, and Lexa starts pouring the wine. “I didn’t know you knew what wine was” Lexa shrugs “I’m Heda I know everything” A soft laugh bubbles in the back of CLarke’s throat, while she takes the glass from Lexa and takes a small sip. “Well Heda, care to explain what a microwave is?” She asks innocently, Lexa's face scrunches up, but Clarke is unable to tell if it’s from her question or the wine. “I know everything about the ground, not about your weird elect- electro-” Lexa starts “Whatever” she mumbles. Clarke laughs and takes a bigger sip this time.

They sit on the edge of a cliff which looks out over a waterfall which usually would make a thunderous sound, but the cliff is so long that the sound is barely audible. Beneath them, they sprawled a blanket on the grass to prevent them from getting mud everywhere, and above them, the stars spark brighter than Clarke ever experienced. The both of them watch as the waterfall quickly flows not giving a single fuck about the coalition, peace or anything at all.

“Do you ever think we would be so free?” she asks timidly, “What? Being so free that we start pouring water out our mouth? I know that we are made of 80% water but Clarke I don’t thin-“ Clarke playfully shoves Lexa, who was holding herself up on one arm, and laughs as Lexa dramatically lets herself fall in the mud. “No, you dork, you know what I meant” She watches as Lexa wipes away most of the mud “Maybe someday” Lexa eventually answers. She hums, hoping that their someday is sooner rather than later.

“Wanheda? Wanheda?” She growls and hears at least five people jumping back and a minimum of two gasping, her eyes shoot open out of curiosity, and she is greeted by more than ten guards all standing next to her bed. “What the f-“ she starts but don’t even finishes her sentence when she feels the blanket fall, somewhere in her mind registers that she took off her clothes before bed but never put on any pj’s. A combination between a sigh and a yelp escapes her as she frantically pulls the blankets back over her chest. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” All guards turn red, and all at once everyone starts talking.

“Heda wanted..”  
“Late for breakfast…”  
“Make sure…”  
“Noises while sleeping…”  
“wanted to catch you naked…”  
“information on the sky girl…”

She gestures with one of her hand for silence, the other one still holding on to the blanket for dear life. “First of all, how late is it?” The guards look at each other, and one steps forward “A few hours after noon Wanheda.” Her first thought was to jump out of bed, but as soon as she started moving, she felt her naked legs against each other and pushed back the idea. “Where is Heda? I need to know about this information.” Again the same guard answered her question “She is on the training grounds, Nabu can escort you there.” She can see Nabu nodding from behind the guards. She quickly nods back. “And last but not least, Who wanted to see me naked?” The guard who earlier stepped forward now almost jumps back in the crowd, it takes a few second for the guilty guard to move forward, but instead of a guard, Tomac steps forward.

His brown hair is tied back in a small bun, and instead of casual clothing, he wears a silver chest plate with two crosses swords on his back, Black pants with shinguards and daggers strapped to his hip. “Tomac?” She gargles out, her voice temporarily lost. “Couldn’t help myself” Is his simple answer, while a crooked grin forms on his face. She shakes her head. “Leave us” she calls to the other guards. While they are going, she gives Nabu a look, and he seems to understand because she can see him take position next to the door. When everyone left, Nabu softly closes it.

“I thought u were an ambassador?” He walks to her table and sits down on a chair with his legs on another. “Yeah?” he says “Oh, by the way, you can come out of bed don’t mind me” Clarke snorts loudly, and Tomac sighs and lets his feet fall off the chair. “I also need to be prepared to fight since the girl may come to Polis,” before she can ask he waves his hands “Lexa will inform you, she is probably going to give you the same outfit. Anyway, I should get going” He stands up cracks his back, which makes Clarke a bit nostalgic and walks to the door “See ya” and he is gone.

Clarke quickly dresses and practically sprints out the door and almost bangs into Nabu. “Can you bring-“ she doesn’t even need to finish her sentence because Nabu is already pulling on her arm, guiding her outside to the training grounds.

  
“Good Aden, Again, Zanne, please use your sword for what is meant, Kylian stop picking flowers and get back to training” Lexa’s voice booms over the fields, Clarke fastens her pace and watches as Lexa’s sword clashes against Aden’s. Even while Lexa is swinging her sword, she looks around to give enough attention to the other kids. As soon as Lexa sees Clarke, she gestures for Aden to keep practicing with one of the other children and walks over.

“Goodmorning Clarke, How are-”  
“Did you sent ten guards into my room while I was sleeping?” Lexa’s face at that very moment is best described as guilt/regret and a bit of amusement. “Yes, you would have slept trough the whole day,” Lexa says looking back to the nightbloods. Clarke shakes her head “I don’t see how that is bad.” Lexa snorts, it was a step towards a laugh and Clarke couldn’t help but feel proud that she was the cause of it.

But the little smile that had worked his way up Lexa’s face suddenly dropped. “Please follow me” the blonde merely nods and follows Lexa back into the tower, Clarke could just see a bald man taking over the lesson. Clarke half expected them to go to Lexa’s room, but instead, they stay on the first floor. After a maze of halls Lexa opens a door and the room which was clearly a weapon room given the swords and daggers in the shelves, on the wall, and tables, looked like every weapon room in every movie she ever saw on the ark and all she could say was “Wow”

While the blonde was curiously eyeing all the various weapons, Lexa had stepped further into the room and was pulling swords; daggers even axe out several shelves. “Come over here please,” Lexa says to Clarke’s surprise, the taller brunette rarely used the word, please. So Clarke quickly walked over to Lexa and stood next to her looking at the weapons she had put on the table. “Clarke, pick a sword and two daggers” Clarke eyed the swords first. They looked average to her until one caught her eye, it was not too long but looked sharper than the other ones, the hilt had gold and silver strokes on it and formed some symbol. “This one,” she says with a certainty she didn’t know she had. Lexa nods and picks up the sword and searches for its scabbard while Clarke eyed the daggers. This time there wasn’t choice because they all looked the same, so she just picked two and grabbed them.

Meanwhile, Lexa found the scabbard she was looking for and turns around to Clarke who was regarding her curiously. The commander takes the daggers from her hand and lays it on an empty table as well with the scabbard and sword. From behind Lexa, Clarke can see something shimmering. Lexa picks it up and just like Tomac said, Lexa was holding the same kind of armor that he was wearing.

“Could you please wear this?” The amount of emotion hidden in Lexa’s voice touched Clarke and takes her back to their kiss in the tent so many months ago. True to her word Lexa had waited for her, she had not once made an indication that she had feelings for her. At first, Clarke thought that maybe the brunettes feelings were gone but standing here makes her wonder if this isn’t Lexa’s way of giving her space?

“Clarke?” Lexa’s voice seems to echo in her ears. “What, yeah? Of course…Um, how does one put this on?” She asks eyeing the multiple straps and strings attached to the chest piece a bit wary. “May I?” Lexa asks while looking anywhere but her eyes which Clarke thought was cute. She nods but then realizes that Lexa, of course, couldn’t see this “Yea.” Lexa looked up, confusion clear in her eyes but she doesn’t question her. The commander of blood almost seemed nervous approaching her.

The beginning was all right, Lexa handed her the chest plate first which she had to press against her chest while the brunette pressed the other half to her back and tied the sides, but then came her legs. It was iron-like protection which needs to be pressed tightly against her skin and tied on the sides. Lexa started with her lower leg, she tied tightly, but the moment she began working on her thigh, it was like she was never touched before. Screw everyone who said it was like butterflies in your belly she felt like someone just put a lighted match in her which was now racing trough every vain. Lexa unaware of the damage she was causing went on to her other thigh, and Clarke felt like she might faint.

Lexa picks up the scabbard and seems more nervous this time approaching her, which seemed weird to Clarke because Lexa’s head was just between her legs, well at least close enough. “Something wrong?” She asks curiously. The taller girl almost jumps 5 feet back and scans her eyes frantically. “No, just I am sorry” The words just left Lexa’s lip when Clarke felt the strap of the scabbard on her shoulder, at first Clarke didn’t quite get why Lexa felt sorry. Until, while Lexa was following the strap of the sheath to make sure it was tight on, her fingers followed the strap down her cleavage. The match was racing even faster now, and she could swear that Lexa’s fingers lingered a bit longer than necessary but then it was over and Lexa’s hands were on her back securing the scabbard.

When Lexa stepped out from behind Clarke, her face was all red, and it was the cutest thing Clarke had ever seen. The urge to kiss the commander then was overwhelming which surprised her. “Here,” Lexa says and shoves the sword in the scabbard on her back, “Thank you,” she says sincerely. Lexa showed her how to attach her daggers to her thigh and her waist, “Can you now tell me why this is necessary?” Clarke asks when she is finally approved by Lexa in her full armor and weaponed.

“We have information which says that the sky girl might attack Polis, with your guns.”


End file.
